Description of Days

     When we lose a loved one--especially in a sudden and traumatic way—we typically experience a wide range of emotions. Sadness and anger we expect, but many other confusing thoughts and feelings often arise.

     Pinpointing these emotions can help us feel a little more in control and a little less perplexed, even if there’s not an immediate solution or explanation for why we’re feeling this way.

     Here are some examples of the types of “Days” we may have. Keep in mind that our emotions are unique and don’t always mirror what others are experiencing. Also, the use of the word “Days” is just a generality. Our moods don’t follow a schedule and are likely to change at their own pace, depending where we are in the healing process.  

Description of Days

(Alphabetical Order)

Anxiety Day - feeling nervous or scared, having thoughts about superstitions or omens, not sleeping or eating well, possibly experiencing physical symptoms such as jitters, rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, hot flashes/flushing

Dark Day – experiencing bad dreams or memories, scary or traumatic thoughts or images relating to the incident, imagining what pain and death may be like, feeling a sense of dread or doom

Denial Day - feeling “painfully numb” and in “conscious denial,” a type of survival mode in which we are aware of the immense ache of grief but a buffer is present, not wanting to think about the tragedy or not being able to think about it, pushing people or thoughts away, being aware of what happened but temporarily acting as if it didn’t

Gratitude Day – receiving support or a special gift, having someone reach out to us in a positive way, being grateful for the people in our lives including our loved one even if we lost them too soon, appreciating life overall

Healing Day - taking time to be alone, resting, praying, lighting candles, cleansing ourselves and our environment, eating healthy foods, getting fresh air and exercise, expressing creativity

Heartache Day - crying, having low energy, feeling extra sad or blue, being upset overall, possibly experiencing some physical symptoms in our chest or other parts of our bodies

Light Day - feeling some acceptance, seeing the Big Picture, getting a sense that our loved one is okay on the other side, believing that everything will eventually get better

Lonely Day – simply missing the person we lost or just feeling alone in this tragedy even when surrounded by people, wondering how everything can just go on like usual, feeling misunderstood, getting our feelings hurt easily

Miracle Day - having a special experience, seeing something great or miraculous happen, finding signs of our loved one, getting little “gifts” from our loved one (such as an old photo that pops up out of nowhere)

Remembrance Day – honoring or celebrating our loved one (alone or with others) perhaps on his or her birthday, the anniversary of the death, or various other holidays or seasons, visiting the cemetery or doing something charitable in honor of our loved one

Resentment Day – resenting that this happened to us, feeling indignant, envying others who seem tragedy-free, feeling highly frustrated with people in general

Rough Day – dealing with many layers of grief, perhaps triggered by a holiday or anniversary of the tragedy, feeling pressure to do something we may not be ready to do yet, feeling very uncomfortable overall, thinking that nothing’s going right, feeling overwhelmed by everyday life, seeing or hearing something upsetting (especially pertaining to our tragedy)

Spiritual Day - connecting spiritually, thinking about God/Heaven/Angels, wondering what the tragedy means on a universal level, imagining where our loved one might be and what he or she would want us to do, perhaps feeling forgiveness or empathy in some degree toward the person(s) responsible for the tragedy

Taking a Break Day - trying to have fun, not thinking about sad things, focusing on something good, looking forward to something, watching comedies, playing games, socializing, smiling, and laughing

Why Day - analyzing the tragedy, questioning why this happened to OUR loved one, wondering if we could have prevented it in some way, feeling any combination of frustration, anger and guilt, searching for the reason that bad things occur in life

Feel free to add or subtract words to the descriptions above based on your personal experience. You may want to track which “Days” occur most often or overlap and how you have attempted to handle them. Add any new “Days” that you may encounter which aren’t already listed.

Written by owlpeace27 whose 19-year-old daughter was killed in 2006