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April Newsletter: Children
The theme of this month's newsletter is Children. The first three articles chosen focus on the loss of a child. As Dwight D. Eisenhower once said, “There’s no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were.” The last three articles focus on helping children deal with death and the loss of a loved one. Death is hard enough for adults to understand and accept but it can be even harder for children. May this newsletter provide you with some insight and comfort as you continue on your journey of healing and hope.
Moving Through the Grief of Losing a Child
By Caroline Flohr
I was a woman like many others; focused on my five children and family, living a quiet life on Bainbridge Island in the state of Washington. And then, in August 2004, our lives changed. That night, eight teenagers piled into an SUV and took a midnight joyride. My 16-year-old twin daughter, Sarah, was killed.
The thought of losing a child--if “losing” is the correct verb--had never crossed my mind. Tragedies, as such, were something that happened to someone else, something you read about in the paper or heard from a neighbor. Nothing could have prepared me for the deep pain...but nothing could have prepared me for the peace that now permeates my mind and heart.
Precious Gems
By Barbara Mason
We never wanted you to bleed for us. We needed you to cry with us. We needed you to remember, for a little while, a life so precious. We needed you to say 'I don't know your pain but here is my shoulder.' We needed you to acknowledge a mother who lost her son, a parent who lost their child, a sibling who lost their brother/sister. To take a little time out of your busy life, just a moment, a tear drop of time to see the change, the loss, the heartache that we will live with for the rest of our lives while you carry on with your normal one. We need for you to see us, accept us. We really ask for less than you realize. We ask for validation. We have no problem with you moving on with your life and ask that, maybe, once in a while, you send a kind word our way.
6 Steps to Surviving the Death of a Child
By Cherie Rickard
Who survives the death of their child? Do parents feel they even really want to survive the death of their child? The death of my child was the most devastating loss and pain I have ever felt and those that walk in a similar journey would agree. You not only have to live without your child you also grieve the loss of what “could have been” as the years go by and their friend’s graduate school, get married, have children and build their future. Your life is forever changed and this life we call tragic is your new normalcy forever. You are alive and you can chose to live as though your life is now meaningless or you can chose to live again and keep your child’s memory alive. Your child will forever live with you but not in the physical sense but rather in the spiritual sense. You can learn to live through the grief and pain. I have a few survival tips to guide you through your painful journey.
10 Things About Helping Children Through Grief
By Nathalie Himmelrich
Children are affected by the loss of a loved one, just as we adults are. Depending on their age and maturity, they will have different needs and show various symptoms. Siblings might respond in a similar manner or some seemingly not as much.
Explaining Death to Children
By Marty Tousley
If this is your family’s first experience with death, you may be wondering how and even whether to include your children in the rituals of grief and mourning for the special person who has died. You may have many questions about how best to meet your children’s needs at such a sad and difficult time.
Explaining Death To Your Child/Children: Simple Gestures To Comfort Them
By Tonya Ouimet
Your body truly gives you a miracle when your loved one just passes away, to feel complete and utter numbness. This is the body’s gift to you; I honestly see that now looking back on it all. Numbness to make it through moments that no person should ever have to face. From wills, to funeral arrangements, to watching your loved one be set to rest, it is a true blessing that in that time we feel complete numbness throughout our body, heart and soul.
The one truly painful of all is to have to bring your voice to speak the words to your child/children that their parent has passed away. Old or young this will never be easy to say or be heard. Having to say this to a little child is no different to a teenager or adult.
Our Newsletter
Thank you for reading this edition of our newsletter. It is our goal to make it a regular publication and to use it to keep you in touch with topics dealing with grief and loss. When it comes to dealing with grief, it can be a challenge to find the resources we need to educate ourselves and our loved ones on what is happening and how to best keep going forward. We will try to keep future issues as informative and interesting as we can. We encourage all of our readers to contact us with thoughts, comments, suggestions or contributions. We would love to hear from you!
We here at The Grief Toolbox understand that needs change as we go from the raw encompassing pain of the first year to the stark reality of the second year, and then to the growth and reinventing ourselves of the middle years to the acceptance and blessing that now coexists with the pain and love that will always be a part of our life. We cannot make your pain go away, nor can we provide answers for you. What we can do is help you to find the tools that you need to work through your grief journey.
