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January Newsletter - A New Year
A New Year – a time of resolutions and hope for change – but also a time of sadness as we face yet another year colored by the loss of our loved one. This month's newsletter offers help with creating a new normal and dealing with the grief that is part of our life every day.
Since this is the first newsletter of 2015, I'd like to take a moment to introduce myself. My name is Diane Gillen and I am one of The Grief Toolbox's vendors. January is an especially hard month for me as I lost my son and only child, Brendan, on January 20, 2010.
My life changed forever that day and I know that I will never get over his death - instead, I am learning to live with the fact that he is gone. Creating memorial items has become a labor of love and my association with The Grief Toolbox has helped so much with my healing.
My new year's wish for you is that you find some comfort in reading the articles that comprise this newsletter and that it helps you face the challenges of moving along your grief journey.
Home Builders: Creating a new safe place after loss
By Jennelle Dippel
Like many children, I was under the impression growing up that Home would forever exist as I knew it - a stationary, unchanging bubble of safety to welcome me back any time I needed.
Moments of Normal
By Barbara Mason
Yeah, I found that hard to believe too. Normal is not a word that comes to mind in the world we now live in. Normal was calling or getting messages from Tim, daily. Normal was so many things that have passed beyond me now. With him gone, me, who I was, what I was, what I could of been, were gone. I had become something else, someone I did not know and had no wish to know. Not just half a person, but no person at all. I cared about nothing, wanted nothing, tried to feel nothing. I was fighting me.
A Conversation with Grief
By Susan Casey
There's no getting away from myself when Day's incessant chatter quiets. After her shift ends and Night's long shift begins. There's no crawling out of my own skin and kicking it into a corner after the pitter-patter of feet, heading to bed, fade out. When phones are charging and message alerts have been switched to the “silent” mode. When TVs are clicked off. When dogs are sleeping.When cars are tucked inside garages and kids into their beds. There’s no scooping thoughts out of my head, or the ache out of my heart, like seeds from a pumpkin. There’s just me in the pitch-black of my kitchen, sitting by the glow of my computer, tasting the salt on my tongue from my own tears as I watch a slideshow a friend has put together for my brother’s memorial. A slideshow I’d been dreading for weeks.
Finding My New Normal
By Pamela Renee Blythe
They tell me, I must learn to live a new normal
But I'm not sure that I know how
There is nothing about my life that is normal
Not yesterday…not now.
Normal Vs Complicated Grief and When to Seek Help
By Cherie Rickard
Most people experiencing normal grief and bereavement have a period of sorrow, numbness, and even guilt and anger. Gradually the pain will get better and it’s possible to accept loss and learn to live in the physical world without them only if we accept our grief journey and have a desire to start healing in some way.
For some, feelings of loss are debilitating and don’t improve even after time passes. This is known as complicated grief, sometimes called persistent complex bereavement disorder. In complicated grief, painful emotions are so long lasting and severe that you have trouble accepting the loss and resuming your own life even after a year.
The Five Friends You Meet On Your Grief Journey
By Nicholette Pennington
Even though most of my grief journey was a fog at the beginning, I will always remember the friends that were there for me, the friends that were not there for me and the friends that continue to walk this journey with me. I remember a phone call to a close friend the day my mom passed.I cried for a few minutes and then she quickly informed me she was on a family vacation and would need to call me when she returned. That phone call would never come nor would a mention of my grave loss. Then there was the close friend that sent me text messages a month after my loss telling me what a “selfish person” I was. Informing me that I “always backed out and cancelled plans.” Even months later reminding me that she could “not trust because of all the times I cancelled.” I will never forget that hurt. I suddenly went from grieving the loss of my mother to grieving the loss of friendships.
Our Newsletter
Thank you for reading this edition of our newsletter. It is our goal to make it a regular publication and to use it to keep you in touch with topics dealing with grief and loss. When it comes to dealing with grief, it can be a challenge to find the resources we need to educate ourselves and our loved ones on what is happening and how to best keep going forward. We will try to keep future issues as informative and interesting as we can. We encourage all of our readers to contact us with thoughts, comments, suggestions or contributions. We would love to hear from you!
We here at The Grief Toolbox understand that needs change as we go from the raw encompassing pain of the first year to the stark reality of the second year, and then to the growth and reinventing ourselves of the middle years to the acceptance and blessing that now coexists with the pain and love that will always be a part of our life. We cannot make your pain go away, nor can we provide answers for you. What we can do is help you to find the tools that you need to work through your grief journey.
