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November: Handling the Holidays (Part One)
The focus of this month’s newsletter is Handling the Holidays. Even under the best of circumstances, the holiday season tends to be extremely stressful with unrealistic expectations that we place on ourselves. Holidays can be the best of times as well as the worst of times: especially when you’re grieving the loss of a loved one. You may wish that you could totally escape the holidays and the overwhelming sadness that you feel when you think about trying to celebrate without your loved one. It’s taken me awhile but slowly, I’ve learned to enjoy this time of year by being kind to myself and thoughtful about what I need to cope with my grief. The following articles validate how difficult the holidays can be for those of us who are grieving and offer some suggestions on how you can survive this challenging time.
~Diane Gillen
Missing Our Angels
Why Do You Suppose That Is?
By Carol Anne Cullum
Well, here we are, again — that time of year intended to allow individuals to celebrate, commemorate, relive traditions and create new ones, and in many cases, worship — collectively referred to as "the holidays." In this span of weeks we typically laugh more, eat more, spend more and do all things to excess. Which is, I guess, why we also grieve more.
But why? Thanksgiving is just a day. Christmas, another one. New Year's, the same. Each have 24 hours, no more, no less, than any other day of the year. Yet to someone grieving, they're days that just ... won't ... end. I think that's because you don't suddenly wake up that day realizing you're missing a loved one. It starts sneaking up on you weeks beforehand. You know it's coming. It's always creeping, looming, stalking. You can almost hear it. It's dreadful.
Blending Old and New Holiday Traditions When Grieving
By Dora Carpenter
Anticipation of the holidays without your loved one is often harder than the actual holiday season. The first few years are usually the most difficult, but even many years later, the pain and sadness surface during this season. As you experience those normal emotions of remembrance of times shared, you might wish to skip the season completely. While others are celebrating, you might feel there is no joy in celebrating.
Holidays Can Be the Most Trying - New Tradition Idea!
By Cherie Rickard RN
The holidays are a reminder of the people who should be at the holiday table, but are not. Their absence remains, even as the years pass. Of course, it does get easier; it is always a tough. It’s important to realize that you don’t have to do things the way you’ve always done them. It may be a good time to start some new traditions, this doesn’t mean you’re going to lose the old traditions; Address the “elephant in the room” by acknowledging your child or loved one and including him or her in your gathering by lighting a candle, making a toast in his or her honor, cooking their favorite dish or sharing favorite memories and funny stories about them. It may be difficult to start these conversations but it will benefit everyone around you and help each of you heal a little bit at a time. Remember to give “thanks” for what you had and what you still have… memories, love and feelings in our hearts can never be taken from us unless we allow it.
HANDLING HOLIDAY GRIEF #1: Holidays? Yeah, Right.
By Gary Roe
“Holidays? Yeah, right.” Jamie snorted. “Try celebrating anything while your heart is being ripped in two. The ripping began when he died, and it hasn’t let up since.”
The holidays are normally a stressful time of year. But to face them while immersed in all-out grief can be almost impossible to imagine.
How do we do this? Do we have to? If we ignore them, will the holidays be merciful and just go away?
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to go there. I don’t even want to think about it.
HANDLING HOLIDAY GRIEF #2: Why Holidays are Hard and What You Can Do About It
By Gary Roe
“Bah, humbug!” we want to shout. Or perhaps something worse.
We said holidays are hard enough without our loss staring us in the face. When we’re immersed in grief, holidays can become an over-whelming, even terrifying burden.
Lurking behind a lot of our holiday stress is a sneaky, unseen culprit known as expectations.
Our Newsletter
Thank you for reading this edition of our newsletter. It is our goal to make it a regular publication and to use it to keep you in touch with topics dealing with grief and loss. When it comes to dealing with grief, it can be a challenge to find the resources we need to educate ourselves and our loved ones on what is happening and how to best keep going forward. We will try to keep future issues as informative and interesting as we can. We encourage all of our readers to contact us with thoughts, comments, suggestions or contributions. We would love to hear from you!
We here at The Grief Toolbox understand that needs change as we go from the raw encompassing pain of the first year to the stark reality of the second year, and then to the growth and reinventing ourselves of the middle years to the acceptance and blessing that now coexists with the pain and love that will always be a part of our life. We cannot make your pain go away, nor can we provide answers for you. What we can do is help you to find the tools that you need to work through your grief journey.
