September Newsletter: Loss Due to Suicide or to a Sudden or Traumatic Death

This month’s newsletter focuses on survivors of suicide loss as well as those who have lost someone to a sudden or traumatic death. Grief following a sudden death or traumatic event is often intensified since there is little to no opportunity to prepare for the loss or to say goodbye.

One reason for this month’s theme is that September 7th – September 13th, 2015 is National Suicide Prevention Week – a week aimed at raising awareness about suicide prevention and reducing the stigma surrounding mental health issues. “Suicide is on the rise in our nation and is now the 10th leading cause of death. During the course of our lifetime, more than 80% of us will lose someone we know personally to suicide, with more than 20% of us losing a family member.” (AFSP)

My hope is that you will find some comfort and understanding as you read these articles and that you continue to move along your healing journey.

~Diane Gillen
Missing Our Angels

Healing Takes A Lifetime
When Your Child Dies By Suicide
The Monsters Under The Bed and Why I'm Not Afraid Anymore by Nina Bingham
How come the world doesn't stop?
It's the Shame
Traumatic Loss: Needing to Know the Details

Healing Takes A Lifetime

By Deb Martin

Early on in my grief journey, I realized this was not going to be a "get over it quickly" type of thing. I had a strong desire to read everything I could on grief, suicide, and the afterlife. I came to realize quickly that this journey will not end until I take my last breath. People have asked me how I stay strong and this is what I explain to them.

Grief is like a major surgery such as open heart surgery. Just as in a surgery like that, one must heal in layers from the inside out. If you try to close the opening too soon you often have infection trapped inside and you may not know it for a long period of time. So just like that, my soul needs to heal in layers, insuring that each step I heal infection free. Acknowledging and accepting that it will take time allows your journey of healing to begin.

By Angel Rehtaeh

Losing a child by suicide is also death for the parents. I laid in bed and wondered how could I possibly “live” again without my first true love? How can I? I wanted to die! Yet, you go on and at some point I had to ask myself if “Are you going to live? And if so, what do you need to do to live, not merely exist? The answer came pretty quick for a starting point…Leah, you need to live moment by moment, don’t you dare ignore those emotions. You feel them! Honour yourself every damn day and find a new way to live.

Live, Love, Hope, Believe Box Sign

$15.99

This box sign created by Primitives by Kathy would make a very thoughtful gift for someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one, especially if that loved one died by suicide. Survivors of suicide loss need to know that they are not alone and that sadly, many others share their sorrow and questions. Kathy wishes to reach out to those who share in her grief, to in some small way help in the prevention of this pain.

This box sign measures 8" by 4" and is 1.75" deep. Made of wood, it can free stand on a shelf or hang for wall display.

In 1987, AFSP was a small group of caring individuals with a vision: establish a private source of support for suicide research and education. These founding families, each of whom had lost someone to suicide, joined with scientists to create the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, or AFSP. PBK joins them in their efforts.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) is now the leading national not-for-profit organization dedicated to understanding and preventing suicide through research, education, advocacy; reaching out to people in need and those impacted by suicide.

*A portion of the proceeds from this box sign shall go directly towards this cause.

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The Monsters Under The Bed and Why I'm Not Afraid Anymore by Nina Bingham

By Nina Bingham

I feel the wind of freedom like I never have before. There is less room for fear today, because forgiveness and self-acceptance has replaced guilt and self-doubt. But to live authentically and fully, I had to turn away from the shadows which were dogging me, and embrace a life I felt like I didn't write, and I didn't want. I had to learn to welcome the "in my face," blistering, ego-shrinking, unattractive truth about who I'd become before I could reclaim my soul. I'm going to give you the secret sauce to defeating fear, but it has nothing to do with being strong, and everything to do with being real.

Strength

How come the world doesn't stop?

By Kate Hamilton

I remember the exact place when we received the phone calls and knocks on the door. The tone of voice, each word changed our lives forever; “I have very bad news and I’m sorry to tell you Karen was killed in an accident this evening. David died of a massive heart attack earlier to-day, Liam was found died this morning, they think it was a massive heart attack. There’s been an accident and John was killed. I’ve bad news for you Josephine was found in the woods, she has committed suicide. David committed suicide”.

The list goes on and on. Those words suspended in time and etched in our minds forever. Losing a loved one as a result of sudden death is one of the most difficult and devastating experiences that a family will go through.

Trailing Tears

$30.00

As teardrops fall, one by one, the black stones in this ring trail like teardrops, one by one. This lovely ring depicts the many tears you've cried, as you've missed your loved one. Set in white polished steel, the black cubic zirconia stones will endure as your love did, for a long time.

Exclusive very limited quantity offering only. Sizes available 7, 8, 9 10 only.

Purchase now while supplies last.

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It's the Shame

By Bart Sumner

I love talking about my son David. He died in 2009 on the football practice field at the age of 10. He suffered a sudden traumatic brain injury and basically died in my arms. He was fully suited up, wearing the most advanced head protection available today, he had never had any head injury prior to the incidence, and he had been coached properly and was not doing anything that invited such a tragedy.

Did you see it? Right there in the last sentence of that first paragraph? If you missed it, go back and read it again. That sentence, with all it’s qualifications of what was not done wrong and how there was no one to blame or point fingers at is where the shame lies. It seems to be one of the hardest things to shake about the whole mess. I mean, how do you let go of the shame that the one job you have as a parent, keeping your child alive, you failed at?

By Marty Tousley, Co-Author: Anonymous

A reader writes: Ten days ago, I was notified that my 16-year-old son had been killed. He was crushed under a freight train when he tried to follow two other boys who had jumped from a platform into an open carriage as the train passed the station. He was such a good kid—someone you’d like the first time you met him. Like the newspaper report said, this was his first real mistake, and he paid for it with his life. Now I’m going through a roller coaster . . . No one will tell me how he actually died—what actually killed him—so I am visualizing all these things.

Sliver of Hope

Christmas Heart

$26.00

This heartwarming Keepsake is personalized with 14k gold and embellished with Swarovski crystals. It measures 5" and is made of pure porcelain.

Sentiment of your choosing on back (6 word max).

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Our Newsletter

Thank you for reading this edition of our newsletter. It is our goal to make it a regular publication and to use it to keep you in touch with topics dealing with grief and loss. When it comes to dealing with grief, it can be a challenge to find the resources we need to educate ourselves and our loved ones on what is happening and how to best keep going forward. We will try to keep future issues as informative and interesting as we can. We encourage all of our readers to contact us with thoughts, comments, suggestions or contributions. We would love to hear from you!

We here at The Grief Toolbox understand that needs change as we go from the raw encompassing pain of the first year to the stark reality of the second year, and then to the growth and reinventing ourselves of the middle years to the acceptance and blessing that now coexists with the pain and love that will always be a part of our life. We cannot make your pain go away, nor can we provide answers for you. What we can do is help you to find the tools that you need to work through your grief journey.