A Gift…Only Borrowed is the compelling narrative of what it is like to be a young father shrouded by the challenges surrounding his family’s life during an extremely difficult time, the death of one of his children.  Pulling you along, the author takes you through those first days in a strange place filled with anxiety, anger, uncertainty, and terror and the next several months full of one crisis after another.  His recollections of the sights, sounds, and smells still linger fresh today.  His story captures in real time how it feels to be standing on the sidelines watching your life slide right past you.

Trying to find a path through the maze of chaos of a new baby caught in the confines of a cold hospital, I tried desperately to keep those other parts of my life prioritized, particularly with two young children at home who were eager to meet their new sister.  Those toddlers’ lives didn’t slow down and neither did paying the bills, changing jobs, managing the household, finding babysitters, and making sure everyone was fed; all of which tugged constantly at my heart, my time, and my wallet.  Life had found a new set of tracks to negotiate and without many tools around to help.

Attempting to pull all the pieces of this puzzle together, I had to find a way forward through the darkness, helplessness, loneliness, noise, and the inevitability of burying a young baby girl way too soon.  A blossoming new faith opened a few doors for refreshment, and it helped transition through this myriad of tests which had smashed into my life all at once. 

The deep marks left on parents’ hearts and lives are undeniable and unavoidable.  Does my story bring easy answers to resolve this story?  No.  I never did find the manual.  My story may give someone else taking that unfortunate, but necessary trip, a road map that may help equip them to better survive their own journey.

Humbly, I hope my story might help other parents who are trying to navigate the train wreck that just ran them over.

“A little girl came into this world a little flawed, fought bravely for four long months, but came up a little shy.”  A gift…only borrowed.

Kirk Spencer